I loved this from start to finish. Pure bad movie perfection. A true classic. This one was made in like 3 weeks and written in 2 weeks. Writers and producers have worked on movies for decades, not even close to as good as Tammy and the T-Rex. It took this movie for me to realize that The Karate Kid would have been better if Daniel-son had just turned into a Tyrannosaurus Rex and just killed his enemies. I never thought I would watch a movie where the show would be stolen by a pair of rubber T-Rex arms, but behold.
Tammy (Denise Richards) is your average teenager. Unfortunately, she made a mistake, as we all do. Let he who is without sin cast the first meteor. She dated a local gang leader but quickly broke it off and begins dating Michael (Paul Walker) a local high school football star. The first encounter with a gang member, Walker has, turns into a dick grabbing contest. They grab each other’s dick and refuse to let go at risk of losing a game of “dick chicken.” Is this a thing? I’ve never heard of this. After that, the gang leader kidnaps Michael and leaves him in a nature preserve, where he is mauled by a lion. Luckily, he is found by a mad scientist (Terry Kiser of Weekend at Bernie’s fame) and his assistant Helga (Ellen Dubin of Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe fame). Kiser is brilliant and hilarious. Helga keeps perving on dead Paul Walker and even makes out with his corpse. Necrophilia is a new one for me, especially considering this movie has a mostly high school cast. They transplant his brain into an animatronic dinosaur. Kiser does the whole thing with power tools, and honestly it doesn’t look hard.
Shit gets real. Walker breaks out of his enclosure and uses a pay phone to call Richards, but he can’t talk, so that goes nowhere. So he goes to a local party and kills the entire gang. A gang member named Weasel pisses on the T-Rex’s leg, so he empties his entrails and decapitates the leader. Police arrive and see a bunch of slaughtered kids, and they make jokes. No sense of emergency or terror. The police in this town talk shit about dead kids to their parents. This movie just makes all the right choices. Nobody is taking anything seriously, but neither is the audience. Plus
Walker finds Tammy, and they have to play charades to communicate. He just flaps his little rubber T-Rex arms all over the place, and I fucking lost it. I thought I was going to choke, I was laughing so hard. The T-Rex cries at his funeral and no one seems to notice him. Tammy decides he needs a new body, so they go to the morgue to pick one out. She rejects most of them if they are not cute, and apparently their junk cannot be too big.
When Michael’s brain is finally rescued (I say stay a dinosaur, but that’s just me) they decide to keep it in Tammy’s bedroom. She strips for him, and his brain orgasms by exploding into electrical sparks. I was euphoric at the end of this one. It’s simply a masterpiece.
I’m giving this one 10/10 high schools where the football stars are bullied.
“What we’ve got here is a testicular standoff.”
“Do you want me to slap the girl for you, Sarge?”
“What will the investors think?”
“They're capitalists, all they are going to see is money!!”